Happy Holidays ya’ll, it’s Saturday and I haven’t gotten any shopping done for the rest of my friends and family. I have decided to just shop online and be done with it. My anxiety is too much for the crowds out there in the malls, but everybody looks so happy to be spending all their damn money, lol! Well I manage to make it through the end of the week without falling completely apart. Both of my groups this week were very helpful, and I had dinner with my Ivory my sweet friend. He constantly lets me just rant and go on without telling me to shut up, lol! I’m trying to keep really busy as the time counts down, I have some orders for bracelets, I’m putting together a new FB group and working on lots of new things for 2018. I was even thinking of hosting a little late night dinner with my mom and sister, but that idea just went straight pass me. I really don’t want to be alone this year, I feel like if I’m left alone I will melt down. I need some laughter in my life, but my mom and sister work my damn nerve. The more I’m around my mom, the worse I feel. I don’t know if I mentioned that I hired her to work with me in the afternoons twice a week. Once again trying to take care somebody when I’m fortunate enough to share. She really needs the extra cash and I try to get her out the house more, but I just can’t bear to be around her for too long. I love her to death, but when I see her life style I’m just so depressed. She’s only 63 years old and acts like she’s 75, mom doesn’t come her hair, put on clothes, or even get out and date. It makes me sad, that I have one parent I’m taking care of already and now I feel like I’m doing the same with her, just wish she would get herself together. I keep thinking if I’m constantly around them, I will never be more than I am right now. You all know my story, and that I have started doing things a lot late in life, but I don’t want to be pulled back in. Don’t want to be pulled in to that, ‘I’m just ok life’! I just want so much more, and I’m not going to let my circumstances hold me back. They just seem the same way from year to year, and I’m just so scared that they want to let me go. I told my hubby that I wanted to find someone or my sister to take care of dad, so me and him can move to another state. The only thing is dad probably would be crushed if I did that. That’s another topic, I feel so stuck with him even though he’s not living with me anymore. Oh well not going to bore you all with my sadness. So wishing you all a great Saturday, chat soon….
Each day no matter how I feel, I try finding and scriptures that fit my mood! Life gets me down sometimes, but I know Who to turn to in my time of need! Have a Wonderful Wednesday 😀🌟
So tonight was mentor night with my group Diamond and Pearls, and I wrote last week we were discussing temperaments. Well as you all know my ass is a extrovert 😂 and hubby is an introvert. Now I know why sometimes we straight clash and for a while I just couldn’t understand that. On last week we learn about the 4 temperaments: Choleric, Sanquine, Melancholic, and Phlegmatic!
Choleric: proud, extroverted, alphas
Sanquine: boisterous, bubbly, chatty, openly emotional
Melancholic: emotionally sensitive
Phlegmatic; meek, submissive, like to please others
So that’s all of them in a nut shell, and tonight I found out my hubby is such a Phlegmatic introvert. I always wondered why he hates talking, shy, and never likes to argue. Found out tonight they usually like to live in peace. This was so interesting to me, because I found his ways totally annoying. He walks away instead of fighting. I’m usually stuck throwing things against the wall because he never gets emotional. This was so frustrating, but now I understand. This topic has been such a great topic, and I’m learning so much about myself and others. Soon nobody will bother me because I will already know how to handle them. The question is “can they handle me”? 😂 chat soon !!!
Happy Tuesday, well I’ve been sitting around feeling sad and in my feelimgs, but decided to get up and just be thankful. As I look around at my life I have come a long way and I don’t plan to give up. There are so many people who won’t have family with them this year, and people who still don’t have homes to live in, and people escaping fires like crazy. It could be so much worse for these people and yet you usually see them on the news helping others. Here I am with a roof over my head, food, clothes, hell a pretty decent fucking life.I know you all were thinking that, just sometimes I have to think on things a little longer. So I’m going to volunteer somewhere and keep my mind off of the bad things. I know that things will be ok and I just have to get through this as well, so I’m hanging the suicide thoughts up for the rest of this year. My son seems to be in good spirits, and I don’t want to ruin that for him. So off I go to spread some holiday cheer, also my doc put me on another med to ease the anxiety for a bit. Hope it works….chat soon!!!
Yes I do…all I have done this morning is cry! Last night I got some troubling news from my son, who only has 24 days to go and it just breaks my hurt. It wasn’t anything bad, I just think this girl and her family trying to use him. (more on that later) I just keep walking around the house, listening to Christmas music and wishing my boy was home. I just want to spend a little more time with him before he goes off . I could fly there again, but the last time was not good(more on that too). I want him home, everybody keeps telling me I have to let him live his life. How can I just let go? My only son is going to jail, and I’m sorry I feel horrible today. All I want to do is drink and stay in bed. I had plan on going out today, but I can’t even bring myself to eat. It’s getting harder and harder as the days go by so swiftly. I look into his room and cry, cry and wonder what went wrong? I really don’t want to fall back into my hole, but I just can’t cope right now. Chat soon….