3:00 a.m. as Usual 😳

It’s 3 in the morning, you know the usual time I’m up and things run through my mind. And of course I was replaying all yesterday’s events. Seeing everyone at my friends housewarming so happy, smiling with not a care in the world. Then I check my FB timeline and of course they are happy as hell too.(or at least pretending to be) Then I wonder do they have any problems going on, or do I just wear my problems all over my face? I try my best to be happy, but can’t overlook everything that is so wrong right now in my life. (the crying begins) I thought having my son home was  going to ease my pain about his situation, but it doesn’t. Just so worried his whole life is going to be ruin by this stupid as situation he has gotten his self in. He doesn’t seem worried and I wonder if I’m making him unhappy because I keep asking so many damn questions? I also just can’t shake this insane feeling that I’m just not where I want to be by the time 40 hits me in 5 days!!! 5 days😧how can it possibly be coming so soon? Everyone wants to know what I’m doing, but I just could careless about doing anything. Nope this isn’t me, but my brain is going down a different path of its own as usual. I just feel guilty for having fun when I don’t feel like I deserve too. Yes, don’t say it: “you are overthinking “! I literally don’t know why these thoughts pop up at this time every morning. I’m actually checking out some therapists to talk to this week, because I’m a nervous wreck and I don’t think the meds are helping. Well that’s it for my 3 a.m. rant….until next time!!

Ms. Fran💋


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