This morning I just woke up full of tears and sadness, after all week of thinking positive all the sadness just burst out. I thought since I was so tired, I would just sleep it off but my brain of course had its own idea. Life just seems so sad at times and I told you all I feel guilty for being happy because most of the time it’s to good to be true. I keep watching my son walking around looking so depressed, and this is just one time momma can’t fix it. Yes, I know he made his own mistake but I wish when I was making all the mistakes I made, that I had someone caring enough to feel my pain. I wish at least one of parents would have said to me, “it’s going to be ok and I believe in you”. I know I dwell a lot on my parents and how they didn’t treat me, but I actually believe this is why my brain has been so screwed up for years. All the suppressed feelings being bottled up for years, months and when I talk with them to this day they still avoid having the conversation. I just want my son to know even when he screws up, I’m still here and we can talk about it. This weekend has just been so sad for me, and I just hate every minute of it. It takes up so much of my time dealing with my emotions, I just feel the demons piling up against me already. I feel guilty because I didn’t go to church, my hubby doesn’t want to go back for the stupidest reason and my son seems like he has given up on it. Could all this be my fault? I know that everyone looks to me for guidance, but I haven’t been a strong leader for some time. This is what depression has stolen from me amongst other things. I can’t be a leader when I don’t feel strong enough to lead, I use to solve all the problems we had. Now, I barely want to get up and take care of myself! Chat soon….