Having one of my moments!!!

Well I stayed up after getting up so early this morning, and walked the pup pretty earlier. Got back in the car and just cried, had a moment of despair and frustration. I’m dizzy, head hurts, heart racing and I can’t breathe!!! I knew then I was having a anxiety attack, but why??? Well I have figured out my triggers on days like this, and it’s always before I have to come to dad. All I can think about was our last argument and how much I just hate the 3 years of my life being tortured. Don’t get me wrong I’m glad I was in a position to help him, but at what cost???? My sanity is gone, and now I’m a walking mess. I hear him talk about how he was such a great guy, but he fails to remember not taking care of his kids. *blank stare* He is talking and I only hear rambling….then he ask “how are you” I jump because I seriously didn’t pay any attention to him. Today I have made a decision that he has to get help and I want to be the daughter that visits. I have been carrying this load alone and it’s taking over my life. Then I keep thinking what if? What if they mistreat him again?  What if everybody thinks I’m doing him wrong? I mean people say “your blessings will come” when???  When I’m dead from a stroke because my BP is to high??? I just have to take care of myself and this is where it starts. Chat soon……

Ms. Fran😌

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8 thoughts on “Having one of my moments!!!

  1. Hugs. Yes, you definetly need to take care of yourself too and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for that. Hope you find the necessary help you require for your dad that you are ok with, so you can be the daughter who visits heir dad. It will ease the pressure off you.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. My Sister, you must take care of all of your basic needs first or you will have a tia and then the other things will not ever get done, so breathe, chill with your puppy and a nice mug of hot chocolate each morning, and breathe for yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

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