Good evening people, it’s been a long Sunday and all I did was sit around the house doing nothing at all. Cooked Sunday breakfast, dinner and just listened to the rain falling outside. Yesterday, I did get out to get my nails done and had the pleasure of watching my nephew play basketball (he is NO Curry) lol bless his heart! All in all it was a good weekend, no complaints and glad I got to enjoy it without my crazy mind kicking in. So tomorrow is my first appointment at the behavioral health place, I’m nervous and scared at the same time. I’m so happy I’m getting help, but just hope it actually puts me back on the path of happiness. I miss the old me, the fun me, the laughing, joking me. Miss how I was the life of every party and hosting them as well, miss how I could hold a conversation with someone without bursting into tears. I use to be that friend you can tell all your problems too, now I’m the dependent one. Miss sleeping for the sake of being tired, not because I’m tired from mental exhaustion. I really want to reclaim my life back, and if it takes a little meds, therapist and some group talks I’m all in. This has been a long two years and I’m ready for a new chapter and that doesn’t include depression and panic attacks. I’m still struggling with my prayer life, but hope God is rooting for me up there. I know I can’t just go back to before, but know I can now deal with my future. Some of the messages in my head, had me isolated from myself and reality. Somehow I thought my life was going to be this way forever, but I now see just a little light at the end of this dark tunnel I call my mind. I feel a little hope, a little joy, a little confidence. Praying this works for me, if not then I don’t know what else I can do from this point on. My friends have been very helpful, allowing me to have this time to better myself. I feel I could be a better friend if I took care of my needs first. I wish I had the support from others but so many people still feel seeing a therapist is a waste of money and time. I wish they could see Mental Illness the way they see other physical illnesses. Oh well I will continue to share my journey good or bad, and hope normal old me can help the next woman suffering in silence. Hope you all enjoyed the weekend, chat soon…….
Ms. Fran (Depressive Diva)