Hello 4 a.m.!!!

Hello 4 a.m. as always I’m dressed and waiting for you, nothing cute this time just a head scarf and some big girl panties. lol!! I fell asleep about 10:30 and just knew my mind was going to be clear with no worries…NOT!!! I just can’t help worrying about this situation surrounding my son, we haven’t heard anything from the people in Texas and it’s killing me. As much as I want to be happy for us with all the plans we are making, I can’t! I’m so scared God is just going to say not this year either Fran. So afraid that every time I put a plan in place to move myself into a better direction, that it’s going to all come crashing down around me. February is when shit usually hits the fan, so hoping this month just passes us by. He will celebrate his 21st birthday on the last day of this month and I just want it to be the best birthday ever. I got on my knees and told God that I would put everything on hold in my life just so my son can enjoy his. I can care less about selling my book, being successful with my blog or even healing if my son could just be able to live his life with this case from over his head. And yes I know he made his bed, and he should have to lay in it, but it was one mistake and I really believe he has regretted it everyday. I just don’t want God to punish him for my life, or his dad. He deserves a second chance at getting himself together, like all the chances I had and didn’t take advantage of. 

I don’t know what to think anymore, I try to stay positive and then that goes down the tubes. I have had so many bad things happen that totally out weigh my good. Again, I can’t help but look at other people who I don’t see doing shit to better themselves, but living like they have not one care in the world. I keep asking “why are you testing me Lord”? I’m not that strong…I’m barely hanging on as it is. I’m smiling and being strong for him, don’t want him to see me at my worse so I hold it in all day. Deep down I’m dying, I just want to hug him and say “everything will be ok”, but I don’t know if I really believe that yet. LOL…as I’m sitting here wiping my tears and pouring my heart out, all I can think about is how horrible this tissue is that my husband brought home. My gosh…men, you can’t live with them and you can’t kill’em. SMH He is no longer doing the tissue shopping, well on that note let me dry my eyes and try to get some sleep. Chat soon……

Ms. Fran


4 thoughts on “Hello 4 a.m.!!!

  1. Cynthia Lynn says:

    Ms. Fran, you had me in tears, I know what it is to be a mother, worried, and pessimistic, I do feel for you and hope God grants you serenity. That ending was quite a surprise causing me to burst into laughter. My mind works that way too, when in distress. I am focused on the intensity of the moment and then a reality-based humor smoothly transitions the subject into lol, why Fran, why? lol

    I will read have to read up about your son, but I do hope all works out positively. BTW, my birthday is also the last day of the month but it is not especially happy anymore because my children’s grandma chose to die on my birthday. I am sure it had something to do with my divorcing her son!

    Liked by 1 person

    • blackgirldown says:

      lol I needed that laugh myself, so glad you enjoyed reading!!! My son is a great kid who needed to make this mistake to now understand why I shelter him so much!!! He has a kid on the way, shhhh!! Not announcing yet! He just wants to be a better dad to his kid than his was to him and this court case is like a dark cloud!!! Well I know you’re good people if you have the same birthday because he’s a great person as well! So keep reading I’ll be announcing my big grandma news soon! Thanks again!!!

      Liked by 1 person

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