My Goals and what Depression has taken away!

Goal setting is an important method of:

  • Deciding what you want to achieve in your life.
  • Separating what’s important from what’s irrelevant, or a distraction.
  • Motivating yourself.
  • Building your self-confidence, based on successful achievement of goals.

(Courtesy of Google)

It’s now Sunday evening, and I’m forced to get out of bed. Daylight savings time makes you think you have time to still get things done, because it’s so light out. I prefer the darkness, my mind is always in a dark place so that time was perfect for me. Then I sat up and thought about the things I wanted to accomplish, all the goals I set for myself this year. It’s easy to hide behind the darkness, but eventually the light comes out. I decided I needed to make my lazy self head to my office and knock out some of my goals one by one. Then I stop…sit at my desk and just at that moment, I realize I have NO motivation. No motivation to focus on all the goals I set up for myself, all I feel is empty thoughts. Depression has just taken over my mind for another year. Another year that I didn’t do what I so clearly set out to do. This then makes me depress, and then I feel worthless, tired, shameful, and guilty. I’m a pretty smart gal and have actually accomplished a lot since I started my little journey. I just can’t understand for the life of me why I can’t stay the course. I work so hard at putting things together, my blog, the book, my new online store (more on that later). Then I just stop…..no promoting, no marketing, no running my big mouth to sell myself. Sometimes I just ask myself is it worth it? Will people listen to me? Can I actually change one life? Self doubt is one sign of anxiety and I experience it everyday. I get this overwhelming feeling that maybe the goals I set this year are unrealistic. Everything I need to do takes time, money, patience, and commitment. Hell I don’t seem to have any of these right now. I’m just trying to get so much done, under so little time. At least that’s how I feel, I feel like I don’t have much time left. I wasted so much time in my life and feel like I’m spending so much time trying to catch up. Depression is such a cruel disease, and I hate every moment of it. I guess I should worry about getting myself healthy first, before I decide to jump on anymore goals. Then I think, if I keep busy I wouldn’t sit around over thinking about my crazy, sad life. I’m literally so confused, is it because I’m afraid of failure? Accomplishing a goal for me is like smoking crack (not that I have, but heard) I’m up so excited that I did it, and then the thrill is gone. For just a brief moment I was on cloud 9, and like that drug I come crashing down. Then I have this craving to do more, but I can’t seem to get that fix. I have set a lot of goals this year, and I’m going to do my best to accomplish some of them. I just have to find the motivation and bring myself to stick with it. Stay tuned…….

Ms. Fran

“Don’t let one bad day stop you from reaching your goal”

“It’s going to be hard but hard is not impossible”

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4 thoughts on “My Goals and what Depression has taken away!

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