Happy Wednesday, what a great day so far! The weather has changed drastically, but at least it’s not cold. So I’m sitting at work and thinking like I usually do about my life. Last night for the first time in a long time, I didn’t sit in bed and criticize myself at least!! I’m my own worst critic, I always see the bad in me. I usually dwell on where I’m not at in life, and my failures. This then depresses me, sending me down a deep dark hole. I’m tired of feeling that way, tired of not giving myself a pat on the back for the things I do accomplish. I deserve to jump up and high five my damn self, but I don’t! So today after doing a little motivational reading to lift my spirits, I ran across the 7 Lovely Logics. And number 1, 2, and 6 are my favorites.
1. I really need to make peace with my past, I spend most of my time thinking God is punishing me because if it. I’ve done some bad things, some foolish things, and just plain crazy things! But, haven’t we all? Why do I feel so guilty about it? I’ve grown a lot since then, but can’t seem to move on.
2. What you think of me matters a lot more lately than it use to! I use to do whatever the hell I felt and didn’t care what you thought. You were either with me or against me, now I’m nervous! Nervous, anxious, scared and bashful. Lol yes who would’ve thought? So many people close to me have cast their opinions on me, most of the time I just needed to hear I mattered! Not one soul, praised me, or complimented my accomplishments. Instead all I ever here is well you ‘use’ to do it! Yes I ‘use’ to, but I don’t anymore! It’s like the better I get, the more I feel guilty for moving on and growing up.
6. Yes, I need to stop thinking so much! I over think everything, if I don’t have the answers I feel like a failure. My mind is a terrible place to be in. Left to my own thoughts,I only create doubt and worry! I over think so much that my big head hurts, I can’t even turn it off at night. Smh, it’s really a shame.
I believe I’m doing better, taking it one day at a time and realizing not everybody is perfect. I’m not a failure because I started late, I’m not a failure or a product of my past. I’m a work in progress, and I’m going to take all the time I need to perfect my life.
Ms. Fran 😊