Good morning, it’s Tuesday and I’m feeling a bit sad today. Yes, I know that’s usually on Monday’s but not this time. I survived Monday, but I think Monday was mad it didn’t get me down so it whispered to Tuesday to do the job. Woke up feeling pretty good after a good sleep, I have decided to stay up a little longer and tire myself out. This has worked the last couple of nights, small steps. Anyway, my friend (Ivory) faced timed me last night, and my other good friend texted this morning. I couldn’t be more happy to be blessed with great friends, but I’m so incredibly sad. Sad because I’m not the happy, fun, joking, cussing me anymore. I try my best to stay away from them, because I just feel like my sadness will rub off. It’s Spring and usually I’m getting ready for summer bbq’s and parties…but NOTHING! Nothing is being planned and I feel so hopeless about the summer period. I know my friends understand, but the guilt is killing me! I just keep telling them that I will be a better friend soon, but I don’t believe that at all. I’m so mad at this damn diease….why is this happening to me? One day I’m good, the next I’m not and I hate letting my friends see me this way. Another one of my good friends is getting married this month, and I’m so happy for her, but in the back of my mind I envy them all. I envy how happy they are, how things seemed to be working out for them, how life is treating them. Does this make me a bad friend???? I know they love me and wouldn’t dare think bad of me, I’m just so hard on my damn self. I’m supposed to be able to handle everything, but my brain tells me I’m not that tough anymore. It’s so disappointing and right now I don’t know if things will change, as I sit here crying my eyes out. Crying out for some relief from this feeling…I promise I wouldn’t wish the way I feel on anybody!! Chat soon….
Ms. Fran (Depressive Diva)