It Has To Get Better!

It’s about 2:45 a.m. and we are at a rest stop to get some sleep. Tuesday didn’t go so well with my son, he is now facing jail time after accepting a plea. I can’t tell you all the pain I felt, seeing my son, my baby boy, take a grown man deal. There was nothing I could do for him, nothing at all. As me and his baby’s mom sat there in tears, I felt like such a failure as a mom. I felt embarrassed, hurt, alone, and scared. His dad didn’t even try to make the damn trip, once again like always the burden was on me. Feeling like the scared 19 year old, when I first had him. I didn’t know what to do then or now. How did he get himself in this mess, some mess that will now forever ruin in his life??? My heart aches so bad, I can’t sleep, I can’t think, I feel like giving up. How much more can I take??? Since 2014, nothing but bad, sad news everyday and year. I just don’t understand what good can come out of this. Where is the positive in all this? Why do things continue to fall on my lap? Where did I go wrong in life? Why am I being punished so? I guess I don’t understand when or how life will get better for me. I’m tired, exhausted, frustrated, depressed and disappointed. Disappointed in myself, my life, and how I let things get out of hand. How can I go on? Everybody say I have to be strong for my son, but damn I’m tired! He like my dad, didn’t consider how this would affect me at all. Everybody walks around like, oh she will be ok! No, I’m not ok!!! I’m tired!! Tired of holding everybody problems in my hand. What I can’t understand is why God is allowing this? Why can’t I catch a break? It has to get better, but when???  Maybe the only peace and rest I’ll get is when I’m dead and gone. Chat soon….

Ms. Fran

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2 thoughts on “It Has To Get Better!

  1. Maybe it is like in the Footsteps poem- in the darkest times when you only see one set of footprints it is actually that he is carrying you- and you will get stronger, and you can carry on. One day at a time, one breath at a time. That’s easy to say as I am not in your situation, but we all face our own dark times. Keep writing. Be a beacon for others who may face similar troubles as you, and may you find some peace and rest soon.

    Liked by 1 person

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