Sooooo, today I had my first intake appointment at the mental health center today. I have to admit I wasn’t feeling my best today. Still have some negative thoughts that wanted to stick around this morning. Well I go to my appointment, walked in feeling a little ashamed at first. Here I am promoting NO STIGMA, but I kind of put it on myself today. I was dressed up, fab bag on my arm, and shoes. Walking into the building feeling like everybody was staring at me, whispering “what is she doing here”? I mean I look sane, there was a guy there who was off his rocker who sat literally under me and I was scared. I had become all the people I have been mad with since being diagnosed. I was judgemental, and turned my nose up at this guy. He was there to get help just like me. It didn’t matter what I had on, or what bag I was carrying. Me and this dude are in the same damn boat so get over it!!! I felt ashamed and stupid. Well I was called back to a room that smelled, the guy was old and funky like. Then, I realized I needed help and that was his job to help me. Things got started, hundreds of questions asked and many painful statements. He ask things I had try to forget, funny though he went through his file and realized that I had actually been in the system for sometime. Each time I apparently was let go and no one followed up with me. Sad!!!! He made me drum up the memories of me being raped……he then proceeded to make me remember what my life was like as a kid. Now, I seriously didn’t want to go that far today, but oh well. So I went way back, wayyyyyyyyy back. He made me talk about my rape, who did it, and how I felt now. I just wasn’t ready for this, oh well glad I did stay and will go back. That part of my life came out, and I hope I can heal from this real soon. Chat soon…..