Well it’s about 4 o’clock my time and I just got out of bed to walk the dog in the hot heat. I did manage to run some errands this morning to pick up gifts for my dad and hubby. That’s pretty much it, been in the bed since then. I’m tired, exhausted, and my body is aching. I look like a mess, my eyes are red from yawning all day. Sleep seems to take over me during the day, then at night I’m wide awake with my thoughts. I wake up feeling like a zombie, because I’m forcing myself to get things done. I feel hopeless, it’s very overwhelming sometimes. I take a look all over social media and see everyone enjoying many activities, while I’m stuck in the house. Blinds are closed, room is dark, and I’m under my covers like it’s 40 degrees outside. I have so much I need to get done, but I can’t! My tiredness has taken over my body, just cooking breakfast this morning seemed like a gym workout. I know it’s hard from some of you to understand, I hear things like, “go to the gym”, or “everybody is tired, push through it”. The truth is I can’t, physically can’t. My feet hurt while I’m wearing bedroom slippers, walking up and down my stairs is a damn task. I feel like a 600lb woman, locked up in my room, to the point where my son is like “get up and get it yourself”! Hubby will come home in a couple of hours, and I’m in the same clothes I had on before he left. He will think I stayed in bed all day accomplishing nothing. Truth is I actually got out today, but was so exhausted from that so I laid back down. I know I must sound like a broken record, but I don’t know what else to say. I don’t wish this life on anyone at all. Everyday it’s a constant struggle and I’m exhausted from trying. This feeling of tiredness haunts you. I pretend to be up looking productive, but then my brain is talking out loud, “like go to bed”. I’m not going to bed because I’m lazy, believe me I was never like this before. As father’s day approaches, I feel hatred for my dad. I feel like if it wasn’t for his stroke in 2014 I would be fine. Being his caretaker was hard for me, and I don’t see any reward for helping him. I mean I did out it of the goodness of my heart, but at what price? I now have no life at all. I’m honestly that tired, I can barely continue typing now, because my eyes are heavy. I know it will get better someday, until then I just have to deal…..chat soon!!!
Ms. Fran (exhausted diva)