May my son be strong and courageous and not fear or be in dread, for it is You, Lord, our God, who goes with him. You will never leave him or forsake him. Deuteronomy 31:6
Woke up this morning with my tall son leaning in over me to see if I’m sleep, I laughed because he’s to grown to be acting like a 3-year-old. So as I get up, he looks worried and anxious. He has something to tell me again, so I listened to what he had to say, but I’m lost for words. You all know by now that the baby is coming, and so is that dreaded court date. My son is running around trying to figure things out, and I can’t help him. I can’t help him, because I feel numb. All I can do is listen and try to feel his pain, but I’m numb. See I feel in my heart that things will work out, but that’s not what my depressed brain is saying. In my brain, while in this chronic state, all I can see is things not working out, because of this curse that’s looming over me. Who knew parenting would be this hard? Who knew I would have to still be a parent in my depressed state? It’s almost too much for me, the feeling like I somehow have failed him, because I can’t feel. How can I tell him things will be ok, when I’m taking tons of meds because I really don’t believe that. I carry around my baggage and his, the weight of everything he is going through is on my shoulders today. As I sit at this computer crying my pretty little eyes out, I put my hands together and look above, because only HE can bring us through this…only HE! Chat soon…..
Lord, be with my son in trouble; rescue him and honor him (Psalm 91:5).