I Didn’t Celebrate the 4th and it’s ok!

Good morning all, I’m up and ready to get some things done. I have all sorts of new things in the works and while I have the motivation I’m going to keep it moving. So hoping the 4th was good for you all, mines was down right boring. Now, let me explain….last year this time and a couple of months ago I was in a bad place. I was super jealous and envious of my social media timelines, seeing what everyone was doing, the parties/cookouts, the vacations, or just hanging with family. It made me really sad and I couldn’t for the life of me understand “why” couldn’t that be me? See depression and anxiety plays tricks on your mind. You want to do all those things in your brain, but your body can’t move. So I would just cry and pull the covers over my head, but not this year. This year I was ok without celebrating the 4th, no bbq, no friends, no neighbors, just me and the hubby. He spent most of the day getting his truck ready, and I was experimenting in my new laboratory (kithchen) lol! Plus I’m still fighting this summer cold I have had for going on 2 weeks, so staying in was all I wanted to do. But guess what??? I wasn’t sad! I wasn’t jealous! I wasn’t feeling guilty! I felt like a damn grown up. See I have lost so much time dealing with my depression, that I have to get on the ball and make up those years this disease took from me. Meaning I have to work my ass off, to build my account back up like it use to be, I have to continue therapy, this will give me the courage to be out in the world again. And if that means not vacationing, or partying the rest of the year then I’m ok with that.  I want to travel to places in the future that I haven’t been, maybe even come visit some of you overseas, lol! I want to have no worries when I’m vacationing. I want to be carefree and wild!! So yesterday was a good day for me, and I feel really good about it. I know that this is the meds talking, but I’m ok with that. Finally my brain isn’t stuck in gloom and doom mode. Small steps people…so again hope the 4th was good to you all, I have some work to get done. I promise to reveal very shortly….chat soon!

Ms. Fran

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