Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

Just Trying to Get Better

Happy Saturday evening you all, it’s been a little while. I wanted and needed to take a break from life and try to cope. This week to say the last was pretty hard on me and once again I felt like throwing in the towel. As most of you know, that court case was hovering over my sons head for a little while now. Yes, we really did get good news a couple of weeks ago, and I thought for sure we were putting this behind us. Well I was wrong, they have decided to send my son to jail!!!!! Yes….my son is going to have to do some prison time. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be saying that. My heart was just broken into pieces💔. This sweet, well-mannered, handsome kid. My kid??? I’m still shocked. Although he doesn’t have to do years, and they have decided he can spend the holidays with us, I’m still just shocked. I spent his whole life keeping him out of trouble, only for him to go off and do his own damn thing. I tried to keep my black son from being a statistic. Tried to keep him from being another black guy in the system. Where did I go wrong? What could I have changed? This has been really hard on me, but surprisingly I’m ok. I have been learning how to cope with life challenges lately, hell I’m so use to bad news. I have cried, I have also questioned God, but no matter how I feel it could be so much worse. I’m not happy at all about the way things have turned out for him, but I just have to believe God will give him a second chance at a better life. He had to suffer his consequences for being so hard-headed, and I’m more than sure he has learned his lesson. So I’m going to be there for him and my grandson, knowing I have to be strong for them. I don’t want him behind bars worrying himself to death about me. Man…this year like so many before, has dealt me another blow. I just have to keep believing eventually this curse hanging over my life will come to an end someday. Until then, I’m going to do my best and get through the rest of the year strong. I refuse to let this defeat me, I refuse to let depression continue to rule my life. I’m tired of being sad, I’m tired of my bed being the only thing I see most days. Life is passing me by and I’m not taking time to enjoy it. So here’s to the last couple of months we have left, and here’s to trying new things that are beneficial to helping me grow. Chat soon…..

Ms. Fran

Advertisements