Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

Tuesday was much Better….

Happy Halloween again! I’m super happy this day is coming to an end, I hate to be such a grouch, but them kids drive me crazy. After all the recent break ins around here, opening my door to some kid in a mask today freaks me the hell out! Sorry…so I didn’t pass out any candy, guess that does make me the ‘mean old lady’ in the neighborhood.lol!!! Well yesterday was a hell of a day, but my Tuesday turned out great. I got up this morning with no problems, and went on about my day without any hesitation. Tonight was my Diamonds and Pearls meeting, don’t know if I mentioned that I had join this mentoring group a couple of weeks ago. It’s a mentoring program with a group of ladies who share personal life stories, each of these ladies like me, all have some type of baggage in our lives that we carry around. So I have been attending this group along with my therapy sessions, and my coping skills class. Needless to say, I have been learning so much about myself and learning how to cope with my depression better. These groups are judgement free and I can just be myself. So tonight we are getting ready for our fashion show, it’s so nice to see all the ladies looking forward to being pretty and building each other’s confidence up. I’m super excited about it and can’t wait to get all fabulous. Tonight we also were doing some organizing of our folders, and as I was looking through mines, I found all the topics they were discussing before I came on board. So I’ll leave you all with a couple of quotes, and a quick look into some of our disscussions….gd night and enjoy!!!

“I’ve come to believe that each of us has a personal calling that’s as unique as a fingerprint- and that the best way to succeed is to discover what you love and then find a way to offer it to others in the form of service, working hard, and also allowing the energy of the universe to lead you.”- Oprah Winfrey

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement.”- Helen Keller

“Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”- Golda Meir

Oh my these quotes give me goosebumps….

Some of our discussion questions are pretty simple, but made me think long and hard about my life and myself. 

  • Where am I going?
  • What does it mean to be a woman?
  • How do I separate my roles from my “true self”? (mother, wife. aunt, boss, employee, student, and friend).
  • Why do I feel so good/bad about myself now?

Think I’ll be doing some journal stuff  this weekend….

Ms. Fran

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Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

Who said ‘Therapy’ was a bad word?🤔

Well it wasn’t me!! Had the best therapy session today, I really like her a lot. She hangs on my every word and seems genuinely interested in getting back on the right track with my life. We brought up some of the things that were bothering me, so of course I told her about my son. Guess what?? I didn’t even cry…not one tear. She told me to look on the bright side, it’s only months and not years. Also she said, the judge saw the good parenting job I did. I didn’t think about that, I spent so much time blaming myself. The judge actually said “this young man came from a good home”. So that means he also recognized my parenting, and I didn’t mess up with him. This made me feel so good, all my friends have told me this, but I just couldn’t see it. I just felt so ashamed and bewildered. We also discussed some things I had on my mind about my dad, and she just let me rant!!! Whew! I feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulder today. She explained that no matter what anyone tells me, I’m a survivor and what was meant to harm me, actually turned out to be good. Wait let me get this straight….a survivor??? I never really saw myself as a survivor. She said “my gosh after everything you have been through”. Hmmm I’m a survivor!!! I think I like that, survivor! I think I’ll put that on my vision board so I can always look up at it. Again who said ‘therapy’ is a bad word?? Seeking help has been really good for me mentally and I’m glad I did it. Well I’m going to end the night with a smile, hope this Monday was good to you all. Chat soon….

Ms. Fran 

Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

Just Trying to Get Better

Happy Saturday evening you all, it’s been a little while. I wanted and needed to take a break from life and try to cope. This week to say the last was pretty hard on me and once again I felt like throwing in the towel. As most of you know, that court case was hovering over my sons head for a little while now. Yes, we really did get good news a couple of weeks ago, and I thought for sure we were putting this behind us. Well I was wrong, they have decided to send my son to jail!!!!! Yes….my son is going to have to do some prison time. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be saying that. My heart was just broken into pieces💔. This sweet, well-mannered, handsome kid. My kid??? I’m still shocked. Although he doesn’t have to do years, and they have decided he can spend the holidays with us, I’m still just shocked. I spent his whole life keeping him out of trouble, only for him to go off and do his own damn thing. I tried to keep my black son from being a statistic. Tried to keep him from being another black guy in the system. Where did I go wrong? What could I have changed? This has been really hard on me, but surprisingly I’m ok. I have been learning how to cope with life challenges lately, hell I’m so use to bad news. I have cried, I have also questioned God, but no matter how I feel it could be so much worse. I’m not happy at all about the way things have turned out for him, but I just have to believe God will give him a second chance at a better life. He had to suffer his consequences for being so hard-headed, and I’m more than sure he has learned his lesson. So I’m going to be there for him and my grandson, knowing I have to be strong for them. I don’t want him behind bars worrying himself to death about me. Man…this year like so many before, has dealt me another blow. I just have to keep believing eventually this curse hanging over my life will come to an end someday. Until then, I’m going to do my best and get through the rest of the year strong. I refuse to let this defeat me, I refuse to let depression continue to rule my life. I’m tired of being sad, I’m tired of my bed being the only thing I see most days. Life is passing me by and I’m not taking time to enjoy it. So here’s to the last couple of months we have left, and here’s to trying new things that are beneficial to helping me grow. Chat soon…..

Ms. Fran

Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

Why I Can’t, But I Want To!!

So it’s about 6:50 in the morning, I’ve been up since about 3! I went to bed about 7 yesterday, hell actually I’ve been in and out of bed all day. I played hookie from work, because I just couldn’t get my butt out of bed. My body was achy, I felt dizzy, and my mind seemed so cloudy. Well I managed to go over to dads and take his blood pressure, but I literally felt like I was about to pass out. I’m so damn drained, I think I may be dehydrated again. This will make almost the 5th time this year that I would need fluids. I finally made it back home, only to put back on my pjs and off to sleep I went. I got nothing done, nothing at all. After waking up near late afternoon, I decided to do a little cleaning. I pump myself up, “I’m going to finish my projects “. Well that didn’t go so well. I just sat my ass back down and sipped on a beer. Still I got nothing done. A couple hours go by and I’m back in my bed for the rest of the Friday, getting nothing done. So why can’t I? Why can’t I get my ass up, go to my office and get some shit done? In my mind I have and want to accomplish so much, but I can’t . I know I should, but I can’t. This then makes me feel guilty, worthless, and lazy. I just can’t move, I’m constantly tired. I keep putting things off. Then I sit around and wonder why everyone else is doing better off than me. Depression is ruining my life, I take steps forward, only to fall back. Well I’m going to see what today holds, I’m still laying in bed now. I really plan on getting up and make myself be productive. Hmm…we’ll see! Chat soon..

Ms. Fran

Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

Several Ways to a Great Sex Life While in Depression!

For a long time now before writing this book, I have been wondering and researching ways to make my sex life better. Going through depression is hard enough on the brain, but having to come up with different ways to please your spouse is even harder. Should I play nurse tonight, naughty teacher, or the bad slutty girl? Now, I know all this may make you blush, but I was trying to spice up the bedroom for my hubby. Depression is just as hard on your partner/spouse as it is on you. So I have been reading and researching this topic, and here are some ways you can still keep it hot in the bedroom, while in a depressive stat.

Now I not going to tell you which ones I have actually tried, lol! Use your dirty little imaginations……….hmmmm!

  • Try sending your spouse/partner sexy photos while he/she is at work when they least expect it. (I’m usually shy lately about my body, because of the weight gain)
  • Reading books about how to spice up your sex life together (this puts them in the mood, just thinking about how naughty it sounds)
  • Stop in that neighborhood sex store, and browse a bit (play around and ask what they would like to try)
  • Facetime/Phone sex works every time (with my hubby away a lot, this one I might try, if not already! lol)
  • Touch yourself in front of you spouse/partner (let them watch you please yourself)
  • Last but least, talk to each other (tell them what you feel and how you feel, this will eventually turn into pillow talk then foreplay)

Now that I got you to thinking, stay tuned for my new e-book! Coming Soon

Ms. Fran (playing SEX doctor)

 

Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

Let’s See What The Day Holds…😌

 

It’s Thursday and I have a couple of houses today, so that gets me out the house and clears my mind. Didn’t sleep much again last night, hell when do I ever. Thinking I’m going to stay positive and shove off those nasty feelings today. Feeling sorry for myself is so draining😫I saw this quote while reading this morning and I know that someday soon I’ll be  ok, even if I don’t feel it all the time. Hell its just life I guess, I sure would love to one day be on the opposite side! Well I’m about to get up and start my day! Wishing you all a positive Thursday!

Ms. Fran

Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

“I’m Ok” 2 words I thought I was done with…😔

Woke up again from a super crazy 2 hour sleep, went to walk the dog and to my surprise everyone was there. Usually I’m the only one on my late days, but this morning eyes looking puffy from crying, I had to say those 2 words. The 2 words we use when we are totally lying by about how we feel. “I’m ok” I know they saw the sadness in my eyes, and I was only minutes away from a complete meltdown. I wanted to be left alone today, not have to talk to anyone. I just don’t want to keep repeating this lie. No, today I’m not ok, but I don’t have any energy to explain why. Besides I think everyone has heard this story before, so this time I’m just going to stay to myself. I hate having these fucking episodes, it takes so much out of me, and keeps me from doing anything. My house is a mess, my life is a mess, my hair is a mess. I’m a freaking MESS! I haven’t seen my therapist in two weeks, she called today and I lied. I just wanted to scream at her, and ask “WHERE THE HELL YOU BEEN LADY, I NEEDED YOU!!!😠Of course she was on vacation and that mad me even more upset, you leave and get sun, while I’m home going freaking nuts. Oh well off to my dads, kind of glad he can’t really see to good. I mean not like that, lol! I just don’t have the patience to explain anything, and I absolutely don’t won’t to ruin his day. Chat soon….

Ms. Fran