It’s about 2:45 a.m. and we are at a rest stop to get some sleep. Tuesday didn’t go so well with my son, he is now facing jail time after accepting a plea. I can’t tell you all the pain I felt, seeing my son, my baby boy, take a grown man deal. There was nothing I could do for him, nothing at all. As me and his baby’s mom sat there in tears, I felt like such a failure as a mom. I felt embarrassed, hurt, alone, and scared. His dad didn’t even try to make the damn trip, once again like always the burden was on me. Feeling like the scared 19 year old, when I first had him. I didn’t know what to do then or now. How did he get himself in this mess, some mess that will now forever ruin in his life??? My heart aches so bad, I can’t sleep, I can’t think, I feel like giving up. How much more can I take??? Since 2014, nothing but bad, sad news everyday and year. I just don’t understand what good can come out of this. Where is the positive in all this? Why do things continue to fall on my lap? Where did I go wrong in life? Why am I being punished so? I guess I don’t understand when or how life will get better for me. I’m tired, exhausted, frustrated, depressed and disappointed. Disappointed in myself, my life, and how I let things get out of hand. How can I go on? Everybody say I have to be strong for my son, but damn I’m tired! He like my dad, didn’t consider how this would affect me at all. Everybody walks around like, oh she will be ok! No, I’m not ok!!! I’m tired!! Tired of holding everybody problems in my hand. What I can’t understand is why God is allowing this? Why can’t I catch a break? It has to get better, but when??? Maybe the only peace and rest I’ll get is when I’m dead and gone. Chat soon….
Good morning, today is the I have been dreading court with my son. Although I’m a little worried, I don’t feel as bad as I usual would. My anxiety level is pretty low and I actually think things may work out! After seeing the 3D of the little baby (pic to come) my heart just melted. All I can think about is what a great dad he’s going to be, hoping and praying things go well for him. I’ve had so many things come up in my life, and at this point I don’t how much more I can handle. So keeping my mind positive and saying plenty of prayers. Chat soon…..
Ms. Fran 😊
Happy Easter bloggers, been a way for a little bit as we made the drive to Texas. We made it safely, my anxiety level was so damn high while driving at night. It’s a whole new world out here! Really beautiful and seems peaceful. I know I’m suppose to be relaxing, but can’t help but think of the real reason we are out here. Dreading the court case on Tuesday, he seems pretty happy to be back here. Maybe it’s because we get to see his new baby momma🙄! So since it’s Easter Sunday I’m going to remember why this day is important and truly try to enjoy myself. I’m going to take plenty of pics and maybe do some videos for my new YouTube Channel (more on that later)! Hope you all have a beautiful day today, I’m missing all the Easter 🐣 things I usually do with my family! I missed church, but will pray the Big Guy forgives me today!!! I lasted with my fast from Facebook, sweets, and some liquor. Pretty proud of myself after everything that has been going on, so off I go to get all dolled up!!! Chat soon…..
Ms. Fran (from El Paso)🤗
Ahhh I made it through another Monday….but then! Of course something has to happen or it wouldn’t be a Ms. Fran Monday. Well I wouldn’t say what happened was any cause for alarm and no it didn’t make me get to bent out of shape, but I almost killed 2 people. My Boys!!! So here we go, surprisingly Monday started off pretty good and I even woke up in a good mood. It is Spring Break for the kiddos and I’m supposed to be at work all day at the daycare. (8:30-6:30) Now, I have put in my notice to them that I wouldn’t work past June. This was a hard decision, but I really need to make some money to get out of this damn hole. Well I got to work today and they had someone in the classroom for me, they thought I was coming back as of today. They were happy to see me and ask was I changing my mind, sadly I said NO! Anywho, I stayed and worked with the other teacher until 2. So I got off early and decided to come home to relax, then I decided I would give my house a good clean. People who know me, know that I try to keep a clean house. I’m very OCD so I don’t have much build up of dirt, dust, or mold and mildew. I have always loved cleaning since I was a child, but lately my duties have gotten away from me. Well I started cleaning in my office then my hall bathroom where my new tenant is (my son). Lord to my surprise this damn boy hasn’t been cleaning my damn bathroom, I mean mold all over the damn shower curtain. I mean just straight nasty ass hell! Like I haven’t taught him a damn thing about cleaning. After cleaning my ass off, I then moved upstairs to our 3rd floor where my hubby mancave is, and to my damn surprise it looked like a tornado hit it. They literally just sit there and don’t clean anything. Then they have the nerve to say, “all you do is sleep”!! Of course because neither one of them are the cause of some of my damn depression. *Blank Stare* I can’t believe how they treat me??? I work my ass off everyday for everybody else, I’m taking care of them, dad, and trying to heal…but noooooo it’s not enough. I’m being pulled in all directions, trying to help myself get better and everybody just looks at me like I’m crazy. I’m sick, not lazy!!! For those who know me, know I do so much for both of them and have once one time before gone on strike. I think I have to teach their ass another lesson. I’m tired, I’m sick, it physically takes a lot out of me lately to even get out of bed. When I do get out of bed, I’m cooking these amazing dinners and breakfast feast. I’m constantly answering questions, writing emails, worrying, cleaning, crying, and being there for them. Nothing…..al I get us nothing! Well………. I took a pause from typing to walk the pup outside, as I broke down crying downstairs…guess who I saw outside. Lol that damn frog! I mean you have got to be freaking kidding me, he was there in the dark by the mailbox like I didn’t notice. I seriously can’t even type anymore, this shit is so baffling to me. I think I’m going completely nuts….ok I need a drink! Chat soon……..y’all know how I feel about them frogs!!!!
Ms. Fran(Ms. Underappreciated)
Good morning, as we all know that Monday is not my day. I took some measures last night to prepare myself this morning. I didn’t nap all day, focused on getting my yard together, looked on my list of goals and tried tackling some of them. By the time I went to bed, I was more than ready and my mind seemed clear. I tried keeping the things I can’t control off of my mind, and I woke up feeling really good. My body isn’t aching and I don’t feel so sluggish..small steps people. Puppy isn’t feeling well this morning, and the weather is supposed to be bad but I’m not going to let that send me into a panic. It is now the month of April and my son has to be in court this month, we are planning on driving to El Paso, Texas. He said it’s a 24 hour drive so we will take turns, praying we don’t have to go and by some miracle this will just go away. I know that’s wishful thinking, but hey I’m so tired of crying so just want to think positive about the situation. I know this is something I can’t control, just want him to be ok. That’s the worst feeling in the world to know you can’t help your child. Well I’m not going to dwell on it this morning, I will get this day started and see what it has in store for me. Wishing you all a great Monday and a bless week…..chat soon!
What a great read, and a perfect way to sum up what a child having anxiety may understand. I wonder if I was this way as a child, I always felt some type of way but couldn’t explain it. Of course know adult in my life, wouldn’t dare discuss it! I enjoyed this article!