Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

Some Days are Better than Others!

Sometimes left to myself I get kind of sad and low, my husband for once notice I wasn’t feeling happy today. Some days are better than others, today isn’t that day! I miss my son so much and being so far away from him makes it even worse, I just still can’t wrap my mind around him being back there. As I sit here typing and crying my little eyes out, I keep looking at all of his things in the closet and wonder how did we get here? I know it isn’t my fault, because I raised him well. Just how did we go from a boy scout uniform, football uniform, army uniform, to a prison one? I swear I’m doing so much better than I imagine I would, just the thought of not knowing what’s going on between waiting on emails and calls is pure HELL. I don’t wish the way I feel on my worst enemy, this isn’t fun. My cousin who son was murdered told me, “at least you get to see him”! I know where she is coming from and feel so bad that my son is living, but he’s living behind bars like an animal. I didn’t raise some dog dammit, my heart hurts like hell. On the bright side, glad hubby is watching me and feeling my pain sometimes. He came home with the most beautiful flowers, so something good is coming out of this situation. Chat soon….

Ms. Fran

Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

Days: 13-15 A Mom is Sentence Too

Wow it’s been only 15 days! I miss him so much, just picking up the phone to call him. I have like 15 jokes I need to tell him and can’t. Today I was feeling a bit blue before saying my prayers…But God🙌🏾 He knows how to send me to the right scriptures. I just have to keep remembering He got this. Well at least he got to see the kids, he was a little bummed because my grand was acting a little funny to him. That really hurt him bad, but I explained that he will come around once he gets back home. His girlfriend told me that my son was hanging around some shady characters back there. This just pisses me off because once again he will be influenced by other people who don’t care about life. I pray my son uses his brain this time and stay the hell out of trouble, but I’m curious? Are they bullying him? Is he just trying to survive in this environment. Again I just don’t understand how they stick people back there knowing this wasn’t his life before. He didn’t commit murder for heavens sake..I’m just going to keep praying and hope he doesn’t make any stupid decisions. Haven’t heard from him today, the waiting is sickening. Chat soon…

Ms. Fran

Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety


Recognize that courage

Losing your loved one to the criminal justice system is full of grief and may God never punish anyone like this. But struggling and coping with this tough situation is what moms should do! Ending racism and differences between an African American woman & American woman will take both courage and time. But gathering all the courage to look yourself in mirror and being the change you wish to see in this world, can be initiated now itself!

Ms. Fran

Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

Days 10-12 A Mom is Sentence Too

Happy visiting day for my son, he got to see his little family today since he has been locked up! He seemed so happy on the phone last night when I spoke with him. He got a big surprise because my sweet grand is saying “da-da”! I’m so excited about everything that little fella is doing. Just really hate my son is missing these firsts! I’m just glad the baby won’t remember him being back there at all. So I’m sitting here with the phone close to me, can’t wait to hear all about my sons exciting day!!! Chat soon!

Ms. Fran

Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

Days: 8-9 A Mom is Sentence Too!

Just got off the phone with him and he was very upbeat, considering yesterday day he got his release date. November 9, 2018 my birthday month! This would be the best gift ever to see my son put this shit behind him. I email him constantly even when I know he can’t email right back. I take the phone every where I go, because I never want to miss his call. Some days are better than others, but today I was pretty bummed out. I just really hate him being back there! Oh well it’s a long weekend so he will be able to see his little boy. That will put a big small on all their faces, can’t wait until next month so I can see him too.

A little pic of my sweet grand baby 💙💙💙

Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety


It is tough…

It is tough to be a woman, tougher to be a mother but toughest to be a mother of ‘black’ child. This is because the perception of people changes when they see someone who is black and we have all the instances to prove that injustice do happen with so called ‘black’ people. Mother shatters when she sees her child in unrelenting pain and trauma. It is not easy to see your dearest one go through a situation of anguish and pain rather than a life full of tranquillity and peace!

Ms. Fran

Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

Day 3: A Mom is Sentence Too

The days seem long as hell, I know it’s only been three days but in my mind it feels like forever. I take my phone every place I go even in the shower, yes in the shower!! I don’t want to miss his call, hearing his voice somehow soothes me. We spoke today for the maximum 15 minutes, it’s totally annoying hearing that woman on the phone counting down your time. I now feel bad for the times I brushed him off because I was sleep, or depressed. Working all day helps me out, it’s the nights that worry me the most. He sounded a little better today, I sent some money to his girlfriend to put on his account to get some shoes and snacks. Can you believe his father hasn’t called me yet for the address or to find out how he is doing???? This baffles me so freaking much, because the one time my son could use his dad would be now. Thank God my husband has stepped up in his place, how stupid can you be? Oh well not going to dwell on his stupid ass for too long, hell my son could care less about him. I just can’t see how you don’t think about someone you brought into this world and call yourself a man. My heart aches for my son, I know he made his bed, but I’m still his mom. He will forever be my sweet baby boy… soon!

Ms. Fran

Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

Day 2: A Mom is Sentence Too😔

Well day two is down as I marked with the orange marker on the calendar 📆. I have decided to check the days off on my wall size calendar in my office. Last night was pretty hard, only heard his voice for about 5 seconds. He sounded ok, not his jovial self. I didn’t want to ask many questions, I know he has to be pretty tough back there. Lord that worries me so much, he has never been in this type of environment before. He said he did meet some black people back there, funny how Mexican men are so racist against black men. Hell do they realize they are being oppressed too. That just scares me to death. I was only able to get a few hours of sleep with the help of my sleeping meds, then I was up rest of the morning. Didn’t really want to work today, but knew I had to get off my ass. Laying around the house isn’t going to bring him home any faster. Besides I prayed to God to be working again, so I’m not going to let Him👆🏾down. I’m so glad I did, it took my mind off of my son and I managed to do some laughing with my client. So today was pretty good, got a glimpse of a couple of snow flurries and my son called this afternoon. We spoke a little longer this time and he explained to me how the procedures work back there. Man it’s like I’m doing the time with him. I wonder if the justice system really thinks about that, I mean not all of those people back there are hard core killers. You would think they would make it easier to see him. Oh well I’m constantly thinking of him, and really wish I could trade places. Until then I will keep praying for him, chat soon!

Ms. Fran

To My Son

Author: Amy R. Campbell

Oh, how the years go by,

Oh, how time can certainly fly.

From once just a thought in far away dreams,

now into my arms and in my eyes gleam

the presence of you.

Your laughter and smiles,

which go on for miles,

warm my heart and soul.

You’re growing up so fast,

as I wish each moment with you to forever last.

My little boy will someday be a man,

and right by your side I will forever stand.

I will pick up the pieces when you fall.

I will hold your hand and help you stand tall.

And when the day comes when you are on your own,

never feel that you are alone.

No matter how near or far apart,

I am always right there in your heart.

Always remember whatever you go through

that no matter what, I will always love you.