Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

When Being Tired All the Time Becomes Your Weekend Ritual!

Well it’s about 4 o’clock my time and I just got out of bed to walk the dog in the hot heat.  I did manage to run some errands this morning to pick up gifts for my dad and hubby. That’s pretty much it, been in the bed since then. I’m tired, exhausted, and my body is aching. I look like a mess, my eyes are red from yawning all day. Sleep seems to take over me during the day, then at night I’m wide awake with my thoughts. I wake up feeling like a zombie, because I’m forcing myself to get things done. I feel hopeless, it’s very overwhelming sometimes. I take a look all over social media and see everyone enjoying many activities, while I’m stuck in the house. Blinds are closed, room is dark, and I’m under my covers like it’s 40 degrees outside. I have so much I need to get done, but I can’t! My tiredness has taken over my body, just cooking breakfast this morning seemed like a gym workout. I know it’s hard from some of you to understand, I hear things like, “go to the gym”, or “everybody is tired, push through it”. The truth is I can’t, physically can’t. My feet hurt while I’m wearing bedroom slippers, walking up and down my stairs is a damn task. I feel like a 600lb woman, locked up in my room, to the point where my son is like “get up and get it yourself”! Hubby will come home in a couple of hours, and I’m in the same clothes I had on before he left. He will think I stayed in bed all day accomplishing nothing. Truth is I actually got out today, but was so exhausted from that so I laid back down. I know I must sound like a broken record, but I don’t know what else to say. I don’t wish this life on anyone at all. Everyday it’s a constant struggle and I’m exhausted from trying. This feeling of tiredness haunts you. I pretend to be up looking productive, but then my brain is talking out loud, “like go to bed”. I’m not going to bed because I’m lazy, believe me I was never like this before. As father’s day approaches, I feel hatred for my dad. I feel like if it wasn’t for his stroke in 2014 I would be fine. Being his caretaker was hard for me, and I don’t see any reward for helping him. I mean I did out it of the goodness of my heart, but at what price? I now have no life at all. I’m honestly that tired, I can barely continue typing now, because my eyes are heavy. I know it will get better someday, until then I just have to deal…..chat soon!!!

Ms. Fran (exhausted diva)

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Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

When Life Seems Hard, Try This…

So today I was feeling a little aggravated, but that quickly changed once I got home and tried calming myself down. I have to learn a bad moment shouldn’t turn into a bad life. I sometimes overreact for no reason at all. I don’t know, I just feel like things should be coming together a lot faster than they are. Well I decided to take some advice from some of the blogs and books I read at night, maybe these things will work. Nothing wrong with trying right?????

  • Take a Nap: Now, this is one of my favorites because I do love to sleep, but it can sometime be my downfall.
  • List The Things You Are Grateful Now:I have a hard time with this, because my negative brain talks me right out of it.
  • Eat Chocolate: Again another favorite, I usually go overboard but it taste so good!
  • Binge Watch Your Favorite Show: I’m a fan of the Golden Girls, I’m always in a happy place when the girls are on.
  • Listen To Your Music Extra Loud: Another fav, I enjoy rap music that takes me back to my teenage years.
  • Take a Nice Hot Bath: Yes this works, just like Friday past I took a hot bath in the middle of the day and boy I don’t regret it.
  • Walk: Of course I do this twice a day, and believe me it works. It’s a little hot here, but walking under the trees in the forest kind of relaxes me. Please watch out for all the snakes that like to hide, lol!
  • Just Let Go: You have to realize that things will get better, I have to really focus on this one the most. I’m really trying.

Well now either think of some things you could add to this list, or try these!

I’m on a journey to get well again, don’t want to have this disease take over the rest of my life, hope this encourages one of you as well. It’s all about self care….

Ms. Fran

Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

Another Monday as Usual

Well it’s Monday, all I can do is shake my head. After a pretty decent weekend, and I promise I tried staying positive about my life. All weekend, in the back of my mind all I could think about is “what if”? I spent a little money this weekend, and tried not to feel guilty. I brought a new outfit and again I tried not to feel guilty. All I can do is laugh right now to keep from crying, being with my bestie was great. The place we went was a diaster, celebrating a close family member only to be totally disrecpted. Funny in her defense she doesn’t even think she is doing anything wrong, or does she? So Sunday came I had a little anxiety attack, I talk myself down because I was trying to be positive and think positive. Went to bed, and prayed for a good Monday! Lmao, I guess ‘The Big Guy’ didn’t get it. Woke up feeling kind of iffy, but tried shaking the feeling off. Well then I lift my garage and what do I see??????? A damn frog, yes and if you have been keeping up, I told you all how everytime I see a frog it’s a bad omen. NO, I’m not that crazy, but it’s so damn true. He literally was looking right at me when I came out. The pup tried running to it, but I just shut the garage down and ran in the house. I started breathing heavy because I just knew it was sending me a sign something bad was going to be happening. And just like clock work, shit hit the fan. This situation with my son has come full force, and basically at this point it’s safe to say he may have to do some jail time. SMH, the pastor said a couple of weeks ago that “it will get worse before it gets better”. Hell, I guess this is it! The next step is death, because I’m not going to be able to go on with him locked up like some criminal thug. All I keep thinking is where did I go wrong as a parent? How could he be so selfish, and stupid? He wasn’t raised this way. His kid will be born in July, I just can’t imagine the pain he will feel if he misses the birth. My chest is hurting, my head is pounding! I need a damn drink, don’t want to break my fast but what the hell? Praying isn’t getting me one place right now, life just keeps getting worse and worse. I’m so tired of getting happy only to be let down. Tired of dreaming about the future when my present shows me nothing good now. Again, I can’t for life of me understand what I’m doing wrong? How come this cloud just sits on top of my house? I just keep thinking He is punishing me for something. I’m just going to give up moving forward with anything, because I’m tired of letting myself down and tired of getting my hopes up. Maybe I have already lived the best of my life and since I didn’t do what I was supposed to, it’s just to late now! Off I go to bed, I just don’t feel like dealing right now…chat soon.

Ms. Fran

Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

To the ER Doctor Who Told Me I Was ‘Wasting Time and Resources’ | The Mighty

https://themighty.com/2017/03/rude-er-doctor-thank-you-letter/

Love this letter to the doctors out there who don’t listen! You all know that I have been struggling trying to find someone to see me, but I guess to them we are just a waste of time! Doctors take an oath to care, I guess Mental Illness isn’t on the list!! Sad 

Ms. Fran

Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

This about sums up my life!

Still in shock about the news we received yesterday, I can’t imagine my son leaving me! No matter how hard I try to see the positive in this, I can’t or don’t want to. I know God has his hands in this, but just can’t for the life me understand what He is doing? I ask for one week of peace and this is what I get! Smh this is why I can’t allow myself to get happy about anything. This just puts me in a funk, now all I can think about is losing my son. I can’t imagine losing a child. I just got to find some way to cope with everything that goes on around me. Life can’t be this bad all the damn time! 

Ms. Fran