A week in Review and a Lesson Learned for this Monday!

Good morning all, it’s been a couple of days since I posted. Last week started off super, than by Wednesday I was in complete meltdown. (also was out of meds) Things were being thrown at me from left to right, and I just didn’t have the strength to fight back. I was weak and I let life totally get the best of me last week, I’m still in place in my life that makes me sick. I cried, laid in the bed, didn’t fix my hair, and of course I avoided everyone. I even called my therapist and informed her that I was no longer going to be seeing her. Yes, it got that damn bad! I was sick to my stomach, and didn’t eat anything at all. Little did I know two days without my meds was not a good thing. No one informed me of the side effects that came along with not taking them. So the last part of the week was complete HOT MESS! I didn’t get anything done as usual, all I did was keep asking God to take this illness away from me. I forgot every coping skill I learned in therapy, I was just a damn mess. Then it hit me on Saturday, that I needed to ‘man up’, I needed to get out of bed and stop letting depression win all the time. Every time things don’t go the way I have plan, I crawl back into my shell and stay stuck there. I looked around my office and saw all the progress I have made, and decided that I have to fucking do better. I mean I have my second e-book sitting here ready for publish and I haven’t even released it yet. I have a new life certificate that I earned last week, new items in my store and my grand baby is turning three months old tomorrow. See, there are so many good things I have going on. I just can’t for the life me get my shit together! Oh well I wasted a whole 4 days being depressed, and withdrawn, accomplishing not one damn thing. I’m so mad I could scream. I feel like the world isn’t going to be waiting much longer for me to come around. Lately I’ve been so afraid to step out of my shell, I mean my anxiety is at an all time high right now. I that someone out there can relate to what I’m going through, but please don’t get stuck. Being stuck isn’t fun and it is crippling me. I just feel so helpless sometimes, and very embarrassed by this. Here I am a 40-year-old granny, who can’t get her shit together. This also bothers me, than back in my shell I go. LIfe shouldn’t be this hard, hell it probably isn’t, I just over think the whole damn thing. Well you live and learn, so I better get my ass up and get to adulting. Have a great week, and don’t get stuck. Chat soon…..

Ms. Fran 

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OH MONDAY!

Oh Monday. I could complain about you being here so soon again, but I won’t! I will make today a productive  one. I won’t think of all the negative things that popped into my head as I started writing this post. Just hoping this week is great and I can finally get some of my projects off the ground. So let me just focus on what I’m grateful for, I’m grateful for God waking me up again this morning. He has more faith in me than I do myself. When I continue to dwell in self-doubt, He’s always right there rooting for me. I’m grateful for my family, and thank God for them. I’m grateful for the little I have, because so many others have lost so much. I’m grateful for Monday, even when I dread getting out the bed in the mornings. So today I choose to be grateful, because I’m learning God doesn’t increase you if you’re not happy where you are. I will admit, I’m having trouble just mediocre and feel like I’m destined for greatness. I guess I just have to wait until the universe steers my way. I believe if I continue to see Monday as some traumatic life experience, I will never be able to get my life together. And, it turns gratitude makes your life happier and healthier. Oh Monday how grateful I am to see you….

Ms. Fran

And That’s Not a Bad Thing!

Greetings bloggers, since I have decided to steer my energy away from my depressed self. I have a really had a good couple of days, I met with my therapist and I go back again today. So this week is shaping up to be pretty good. With that being said, since I have been focusing lately, I have decided that there is still so much to learn. I’m still learning about myself, family, and my spiritual life. Yesterday, I did a little revamping to my social media. I’ve decided I will know longer post my blog, online store, or quotes on my personal FB page. On that page I learned that most of the people on that page are lookers, but not supporters. I have had tons of people who order from my online stores, but would never actually praise me on their page. Behind the scenes they are totally happy, or at least that’s what they say. So I have decided to just leave those people on that page, in order for me to grow my tribe, I need to be around like-minded people. People that support not just by buying something, but with encouraging words. I’m also learning that, if they don’t constantly praise me that’s ok. I’m my own cheerleader and I don’t have to wait around for people to appreciate me. I’m learning that it feels so much better to look ahead than backwards. I spend so much time criticizing myself for I what I didn’t do, then praising the new things I have accomplished. So yes I’m still learning and that’s ok! I’m learning that when God said ‘No’, that doesn’t mean He doesn’t care. I’m also learning that it’s a lot easier to waste time than it is to find time. I spent all that time sleeping or staring at the TV getting nothing done, this week I decided to forgo the naps and invest some time in me. I’m learning that at the age 40 my best years are still to come. I always think I’m getting to old to start over. I’m learning that people nomatter what will always have shit to say, hell I could be on the Forbes list and they would complain. I’m learning that there is more to me than just my depressed self. I’m learning that I need God more and more each day. Even with the little stuff, like just asking for strength to get through the day. I’m learning that you’re opinion of me doesn’t fucking matter, hell I like me and that’s all that counts. LOL Well you all get the picture, I’m still learning and that’s ok!!! Chat soon…. follow my new FB page!

www.facebook.com/olivia.shepherd.blackgirldown.me

Ms. Fran

 

 

Ms. Fran 

A Little Sunday Motivation 😊

Happy Sunday, not much going on today! I’m finally at my desk trying to get some things done. So far so good!😊 It’s beautiful outside, to bad I’m not feeling up to being out there. Just going to focus on my work inside, I got to get ready for my big yard sale this coming Saturday. This has been very relaxing and sad at the same time. Looking through all my old junk and seeing things that remind me of happier times. That then depresses me, but I just toss it away and move on. You can tell a lot about yourself and life by the junk you keep. Holding on to the past isn’t good for me anymore. Well not going to be a ‘debbie downer’😌hope you all have the best Sunday. Relax mentally and get prepared for a new week….chat soon!!!

Ms. Fran💕

Why I Can’t, But I Want To!!

So it’s about 6:50 in the morning, I’ve been up since about 3! I went to bed about 7 yesterday, hell actually I’ve been in and out of bed all day. I played hookie from work, because I just couldn’t get my butt out of bed. My body was achy, I felt dizzy, and my mind seemed so cloudy. Well I managed to go over to dads and take his blood pressure, but I literally felt like I was about to pass out. I’m so damn drained, I think I may be dehydrated again. This will make almost the 5th time this year that I would need fluids. I finally made it back home, only to put back on my pjs and off to sleep I went. I got nothing done, nothing at all. After waking up near late afternoon, I decided to do a little cleaning. I pump myself up, “I’m going to finish my projects “. Well that didn’t go so well. I just sat my ass back down and sipped on a beer. Still I got nothing done. A couple hours go by and I’m back in my bed for the rest of the Friday, getting nothing done. So why can’t I? Why can’t I get my ass up, go to my office and get some shit done? In my mind I have and want to accomplish so much, but I can’t . I know I should, but I can’t. This then makes me feel guilty, worthless, and lazy. I just can’t move, I’m constantly tired. I keep putting things off. Then I sit around and wonder why everyone else is doing better off than me. Depression is ruining my life, I take steps forward, only to fall back. Well I’m going to see what today holds, I’m still laying in bed now. I really plan on getting up and make myself be productive. Hmm…we’ll see! Chat soon..

Ms. Fran

Yes I Do!

Well I might as well come right on out and tell ya, I have been slipping back into my little dark tunnel. This last couple of weeks have been exhausting from once again trying to wear that mask. That “I’m Ok” mask, but I’m not feeling well and it’s bumming me out. All I have done these last couple of days is lay back in the bed, I get up every morning and don’t make my bed anymore. The one thing I was so proud about was I got to make my bed up in the morning, this was to keep me from getting back in. Lately I just make it up enough, and back in I go. Life has been ok, and I have been handling this really well, but something has me going down that hole again. I’m trying so hard to keep it together, because my son needs me to be strong for him. My hubby apparently thinks I’m all cured, since I have been hiding from him again. I kind of feel on the edge a bit, the constant stress is tiresome. My motivation is diminishing, I feel like I’m not succeeding as I want to. I haven’t seen my therapist in a week or so, she called yesterday and I sent her straight to voicemail. I’m feeling like I just want to sleep forever, or until this episode of my life is over. I have been so many new things ging on, but I’m not enjoying anything. It takes me forever now to get back out of the bed to work on my projects. I’m happy to be getting out the house with work, but my body is in so much pain, I find myself resting every other minute. This then slows me down, a house that takes an hour turns into 2! I’m not getting much sleep at night, because my brain won’t shut off. Lord knows I don’t want to go back to the old me again, but I don’t really think that me was gone yet anyways. Oh well this was my confession to you all, I’m constantly trying to encourage everyone, but not listening to my own advice…go figure!!! Chat soon…

Ms. Fran

Depression and Sex!

While researching this topic for my new book, I managed to discover men brains in depression are totally different than women brains. As if we didn’t know that most men are horny little toads. Depression in men can be a little more severe, resulting in substance abuse and suicides.While women just seem to experience depression at a longer rate, which also leaves them more tired and determined not to have sex. Women are usually exhausted and can barely use that part of the brain, to even think of you laying anywhere near them. Men during depression seem a little more focus on sex, because no matter what is going on in their brain, sex sometimes takes priority. Men also never talk about depression, so it’s really rare that we would hear from them how depression affects their sex life. Now, lets talk about “good sex”! Did you know men are more likely to become depressed after good sex? Did you also know that most men become emotional after sex? LOL this was very funny to me, because I have actually had some of them in my past life. And for what it’s worth, I’m not a fan of seeing am emotional man after sex, lol! Sorry! So tuned for my new ebook……

Ms. Fran

Yes….but!!!

Well me and WordPress are at it again, my blog seems to be acting up again and it’s making me sad. I had so much good content over the last couple of days and no of it posted to the blog. So I’m trying to think happy, but this little mess up is putting me in a bad ass mood. Anyway I am feeling a bit joyful today, still got some pain I’m dealing with. My client told me today it could be my gall bladder. *blank stare*

I’m in tons of pain, but I am making it through the day very well. Preseason Football is upon us and I couldn’t be more happy. Got to see my former QB from Clemson play an amazing game as a Texan and tonight my Eagles and the Green Bay play tonight. So I guess you can see I’m very happy today, happy all around. I have been mediating on positive things and learning to stay away from the negative stuff that gets me in a funk. Well I’m off to see what the people at WordPress are going to do about my blog. Hoping you all are having an awesome Thursday, chat soon..

Ms.Fran

 

And So This Happened…..

Wow, I’m finally back up and running after so many technical difficulties. So last week my brain was fried for a bit, instead of putting the frozen sweet peas for my dog in microwave….I ended up pressing 1 minute with my Iphone in the microwave. Yes…don’t ask? My phone was completely cooked:( I was without a phone for 2 long days, it like to kill me. Thank God for insurance, I was sent a new one on Saturday past. Then, apparently my brand new computer and WordPress decided it didn’t want to work anymore. So no post, I was sending them but nothing was being posted. Ugggggh what a long week…so this week is starting off to be ok. I was in a really good mood today, despite some little sneaky thoughts that tried to creep in. Life is full of surprises, but I’m now in a better position to handle what it throws at me. I no longer let it consume my thoughts like it use to, it happens I feel about it, then keep it moving. Just no longer want to hang around in darkville anymore. Hope today was well for you all, chat soon…

Ms. Fran