A Mom is Sentenced Too: 79 days and counting! 😔

Some days are better than others, I cry, I laugh, I worry. I wait for his emails like I’m waiting for a tax check to come through the mail. Lol ok, I needed that laugh! I’m up early this morning after crying my little heart out. I miss my son so much, my heartaches like hell. Why does it hurt so bad? I don’t wish this pain on anyone, I can’t fix it, Lord, momma can’t fix and I feel horrible. There’s nothing I can do. I pray and pray, hoping God hears my prayers. Again there are days that I’m so busy the time just passes by. Then there are days like this one where I can only think where did it all go wrong. How long does he have to be back there? Hasn’t he been punished enough? I mean there are real freaking criminals out here. His little boy is going up before his eyes and it pains me that he is missing the little things. His father still hasn’t called or written him. I wonder if he is up like me, shit I doubt it! You have to be a real piece of shit to not care about your son being locked away like some animal. I know that he’ll be ok and I know God has his back. I just need to see him and lay my eyes on him. I’m supposed to go there next weekend for Easter. I just need to look in his eyes to see for myself if he’s ok. My baby boy, smh! My heart is being sentenced too. The love for a child is a whole other ’love’.

Ms. Fran

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Therapy Day Yesterday😌

So I forgot to mention I saw my therapist yesterday. As always I was feeling pretty good after I left her. She knows just how to continue encouraging me when I’m just on the tip of self-doubt. I explained to her, how good I was feeling. On a scale from 1-5, I explain to her that my anxiety was at 2 and depression 1. I can’t help but feel like I lied just a little. I’m feeling really anxious about my son being in prison, some days are better than others. It’s the days like a lonely Sunday that I miss him more, or when I have something stupid to tell him. I just need to see him, be able to look into his eyes, to see from my own mom perspective if he’s really good. I know he’s just keeping me out of the loop sometimes to keep me sane. His bday is tomorrow and I’ve been having these labor pains in my back. Ladies; am I the only one who goes through this??🤨Wierd yes I know!! I know my therapist could see right through me but she did her best to steer the conversation to positive talks. Oh well, I thank her for helping me alone and putting me on the right path to healing. Chat soon…

Ms. Fran

Email from my son!

This morning I woke up to an email, from my son. I love and miss him so much. This email meant so much to me. I now see that he is using his time to think about how he will spend the rest of his life. Yes, I was very hurt by the turn of events, but I will never give up on him. He’s my only child and I still want nothing but the best for him.🙏🏽💙

Ms. Fran

A Mom Is Sentenced Too: Made it 30 Days

Well it’s now February, we have made it exactly 34 days, I’m so amazed at how I made it through. Some days are better than others, but we are doing the best we can. It took a little minute for him to settle in, but he has made do. I still get worried from time to time, and have trouble sleeping at night. He’s my only child and everyday I think of him, never imagining him behind prison bars. I’m going to visit him this month, his birthday is on the 28th, and I hate he has to spend his 22nd birthday back there. I have found some support groups online that I engage with, it breaks my heart to read all the mothers comments. I’m just glad I’m not alone in this, and know that it’s not my fault he is back there. Most of the family speaks with him, and his father hasn’t called or put any money in his account. It pisses me off so bad, but hell did we think he would do anything? Oh well I’m just happy that I have kept myself busy and haven’t had too much time to cry or be sad. All I know now is this has been the most humbling experience, and it’s really painful to admit this. I never wanted to be this parent, I have protected him so long. He is my life and I miss him so much, hope I’m in a good place in my head to see him in that uniform. His girlfriend told me he looks good and healthy, she said she also feels a little more relax when visiting him. That makes me feel somewhat ok, but as a mom I need to see this shit for myself, lol! My baby boy….please God continue to send angles to protect him everyday. 

Ms. Fran

Some Days are Better than Others!

Sometimes left to myself I get kind of sad and low, my husband for once notice I wasn’t feeling happy today. Some days are better than others, today isn’t that day! I miss my son so much and being so far away from him makes it even worse, I just still can’t wrap my mind around him being back there. As I sit here typing and crying my little eyes out, I keep looking at all of his things in the closet and wonder how did we get here? I know it isn’t my fault, because I raised him well. Just how did we go from a boy scout uniform, football uniform, army uniform, to a prison one? I swear I’m doing so much better than I imagine I would, just the thought of not knowing what’s going on between waiting on emails and calls is pure HELL. I don’t wish the way I feel on my worst enemy, this isn’t fun. My cousin who son was murdered told me, “at least you get to see him”! I know where she is coming from and feel so bad that my son is living, but he’s living behind bars like an animal. I didn’t raise some dog dammit, my heart hurts like hell. On the bright side, glad hubby is watching me and feeling my pain sometimes. He came home with the most beautiful flowers, so something good is coming out of this situation. Chat soon….

Ms. Fran

A NOTE FOR MOMS DEALING WITH INCARCERATED CHILD

It’s painful to know their story…

Mass incarceration crisis in US is known to everyone and while everyone is interested to know the frequency and number of people incarcerated, very few people think about families and communities they leave behind. The emotional weight of losing your child and seeing him/her behind the bars shatters the mothers and family emotionally. This emotional weight gets heavier because of added responsibility of financially supporting, caregiving and maintaining the household.

The atmosphere in the prison is strict as anything. Ask those mothers, who satisfy themselves with one monthly phone call from their incarcerated child. ‘It gives peace to know that he is surviving’, this is what mothers have to say! While mothers feel broken from inside but they never stop to inject their child with encouragement and faith in God to never give up!