Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

I Love Therapy Day😊👍🏾

Who said ‘therapy’ was a bad word??? Ok I’m asking that question again, because this has been the best thing that has happened for me. My therapist is super understanding and feels like an old friend, she constantly shares things with me that makes me feel so comfortable. I explained to her after group therapy, that I was having a rough morning. I explained to her how I was starting to feel some type of way about my son. She totally understood and revealed to me that she has a brother in jail right now. I was surprised, see you think just because they are therapist, they don’t have the same problems you do. She explained that it’s ok to have my feelings, because he is my only son. I still see him as the little boy I raised, that’s when she told me, he’s going to be find and my life can go on. Her brother is still locked up after 10 years and she said her mom is doing fine. There will be hard days she said, but I just have to keep praying and keep myself busy. So I left there today feeling so much better, I know it’s going to be hard. I’m just so glad I’m in better place now to be able to handle the hard stuff. She promised to be there for me just like my friends, I feel much better tonight!!! Hope Monday was awesome for you all, chat soon….

Ms. Fran😊

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Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

Early 4 a.m Thoughts 💭 

Well I’m up at my usual time, not because I’m worried or dwelling in self doubt! I’m up because I’m thinking about all the things I have going on. Lately I’ve been moving in the right direction, trying to get my life back on track. I’ve been praying, hoping, and believing. Things seemed to be going good, then I get stuck. Something seems to come up and knock me 2 steps back! Like the quote, I know I didn’t come this far to only come this far. I just feel stuck, like I can’t move out of this life. It’s like the universe is saying, “no you were only meant to go this far”! How can that be? I have so much in me, and for once I have the motivation and energy to conquer the world. It’s like my life is a BIG tease. I pray for the right opportunities and people to surround me, but then I can’t move. I’m stuck like a big rock in the middle of the road. I don’t know where to go. Again I know I didn’t come this far, to only big stuck…..

Ms. Fran

Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

Yes I Do!

Well I might as well come right on out and tell ya, I have been slipping back into my little dark tunnel. This last couple of weeks have been exhausting from once again trying to wear that mask. That “I’m Ok” mask, but I’m not feeling well and it’s bumming me out. All I have done these last couple of days is lay back in the bed, I get up every morning and don’t make my bed anymore. The one thing I was so proud about was I got to make my bed up in the morning, this was to keep me from getting back in. Lately I just make it up enough, and back in I go. Life has been ok, and I have been handling this really well, but something has me going down that hole again. I’m trying so hard to keep it together, because my son needs me to be strong for him. My hubby apparently thinks I’m all cured, since I have been hiding from him again. I kind of feel on the edge a bit, the constant stress is tiresome. My motivation is diminishing, I feel like I’m not succeeding as I want to. I haven’t seen my therapist in a week or so, she called yesterday and I sent her straight to voicemail. I’m feeling like I just want to sleep forever, or until this episode of my life is over. I have been so many new things ging on, but I’m not enjoying anything. It takes me forever now to get back out of the bed to work on my projects. I’m happy to be getting out the house with work, but my body is in so much pain, I find myself resting every other minute. This then slows me down, a house that takes an hour turns into 2! I’m not getting much sleep at night, because my brain won’t shut off. Lord knows I don’t want to go back to the old me again, but I don’t really think that me was gone yet anyways. Oh well this was my confession to you all, I’m constantly trying to encourage everyone, but not listening to my own advice…go figure!!! Chat soon…

Ms. Fran

Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

Building Confidence While In a Depressive State!

Building confidence can be pretty hard on its on, but try having a depressed mind all the time. Today as I was preparing the things I need to roll out my BIG news on Friday, I had to step back and take a look around. Is this me? Am I singing? Yes, it’s me! The half new me, for once today I had the confidence to look at myself and my projects and say, “damn girl, this shit cute”. LOL I look in the mirror and told myself that, “I am good enough”, “I will get my life back on track”! Wow and I actually believe it too. I spent so many months in a dark hole, the only thing I could see it’s darkness. Nowww…I can see some light at the end of that hole. I feel like I really could see things improving, without my other part of the brain taking over. So here’s to the old me who didn’t think I would ever see the day, the day that some confidence would come creeping back into my soul. Here’s to the things I write on my vision board to help me slowly get back to normal. Here’s to a really fabulous woman who got knocked down, but got up out that bed and sought the help I needed to put me back on the right track! Although my journey isn’t over and please believe I’m so not cured, I like to think of it like a really really long cold. I just keep taking the meds until it’s all gone, lol! So I will get back to my secret projects…chat soon loves!!!

Ms. Fran

Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

It’s Friday Ya’ll!

Good morning all, first I would like to give a shout out to the DJ on the radio, he had me dancing like I was 25 again. The dog was looking at me like I was crazy, lol! Whooo…I got a work out this morning. I love dancing, any chance I can get down I will. So today I have 3 houses lined up to clean, this will get me out the house for a bit and I get to make some money. Slept pretty well last, the doc up my sleeping meds and they actually worked. Feeling pretty good this morning, just so happy it’s the weekend again. Well I’m going to head off to get my day started. Wishing you a fabulous Friday…..chat soon! Leaving you all with some of my fav quotes that motivate me.

Ms. Fran

“Be encouraged. Stay on your hustle. You can’t fail until u quit.” -UncleRUSH

You’re life is your message to the world. Make it inspiring.”-Lorrin L. Lee (my fav)

When I thought I couldn’t go on, I forced myself to keep going. My success is based on persistence, not luck.”-Estee Lauder

If it is to be, it is up to me.”-Wordsworth

Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

Thursday’s Thought!

Good morning, woke up feeling a bit groggy. I feel like I didn’t get enough sleep, but I know I did. Today is my fist therapy appointment, kind of nervous about that since the man in the intake side made me mad. As nervous as I feel, I know right now this is the best thing for me. So I’m going to go in there with an open mind. I have also decided to sign up to become a mentor to a child in a foster home. I figured that would keep me busy if I got out and started volunteering. I know that I have so much to offer! Also I have tons of projects in the works, so hoping I can devote a little more time to them since I’m not working right now. Well with that being said, I’m going to get my day started and leave you all with some  Thursday Thoughts!!!! Chat soon….

“Thursday Thoughts”

Believe in yourself and push the limits

Do things that make you happy, NOT the world

Remove the stress from your life

Remember God doesn’t make mistakes

You are a work in progress

God isn’t finish with you yet (my fav)

Life is what you make it

Your past should be just that

Today could just be the day

Mental Health, Self Care, Depression, Anxiety

Up Thinking as Usual😔

It’s my favorite time of the morning 4 a.m., and lately I get up but I try to stay off my phone. I’ve had so many things to write in the moment, then I decide to just remain positive and see how I feel in the morning. So far it has been working, trying to get my mind free and clear of all negative thoughts, but that just means I suppress it. I suppress the thoughts, then my stomach hurts, my body just feels physically ill. Of course then I wake up tired and irritated. Tired from trying to keep these things all bottled up, hell it’s not working. I feel myself drifting back into my dark ways, hell I wonder if I ever left them behind. 

I been celebrating Mental Health Awareness Month by telling my story, but can barely keep it together. It’s just like me to look out for others before I take care of me.  Spreading the word, while feeling like such a mess. I have had some good days, but I swear it’s getting harder and harder. Been having the suicidal thoughts again, which scares me more because I really feel bad just thinking about it. So I continue on, masking how bad I feel inside. I start to feel selfish, because I look at so many people who have it worse than me and wonder how they make it. I’m losing my shit, I just want to stand in the middle of street and yell, “HEY LIFE PLEASE LET UP”!!!! I’m really losing my shit, I feel like I’m trapped in a little room sitting Indian style like a child. With the room closing in around me, no escaping, no lights, just there with no way to move. It’s getting harder and harder to talk with my husband, he isn’t encouraging at all. I don’t dare let my son see me this way, because I have to be strong for him. Talking with friends is a no no, because I definitely don’t won’t to burden any of them with my constant problems. Been waiting all week to hear from a new doctor that takes my insurance, so I’m just out here without my meds losing my shit. My sleep patterns are all off again, I don’t want to go to work. I just want to crawl in bed and stay there until this episode of my life plays out. I really don’t know what’s worse over thinking, or feeling so strong about my life and what a disaster it is right now. I’ve even gone back to listening and reading scriptures everyday. Just anything to keep me lifted up, I hate the way I feel and really wish just for a little life would let up. Well I’m going to finish getting some rest, had a good cry for the first time since last week. Hopefully this rainy Thursday will turn out ok! Chat soon……

Ms. Fran